oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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