Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
