As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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