glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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