i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
