remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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