I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
