so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
