don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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