i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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