I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
