Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize