I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
