you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
