apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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