I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
