Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
