Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
