I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Found your dick twin last night
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
