someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i dont even know how to be here
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
