Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize