Who did Billy Mays play for?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
