I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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