i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
