I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
sex in a hospital.. check
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
