Cold hands, warm shart.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
