she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
