like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize