one might say we're banned from that church
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
