I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
