JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
