my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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