I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
