This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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