True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
