Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
