The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
