wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
