i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
