Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
