Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I supernannyed him into submission
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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