He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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