I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
