it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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