non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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