i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
