I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
