I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
