Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
