Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
