my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Randomize