Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Bring me that man meat
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
