I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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