No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize