It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
