Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
