I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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