Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He kissed a someone with a penis
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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