Already got asked if we're dating
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
