I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
