Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
