i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
