i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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