I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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