I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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