I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
