just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize