I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
