just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
