She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
