when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
