i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Come share oat with me in your robe
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
