Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
