haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
