my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
