i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
