No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
