isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
