Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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