i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
