if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
