I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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