3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
