i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
