Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This baby is an asshole
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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