I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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