I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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