i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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