Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize