remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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