sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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