I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
