All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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