My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
