Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
