Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
