I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
