The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
