Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
