In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
