Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
