I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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