Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
